The Heavenly Muse

So where the hell have I been? I've been surviving. I left a relationship four months ago to take control of my own life. Years of being controlled and told what to do and who to talk to had left me a shell of who I imagined I would be at 17. I realized that I had given up on living and had ceased to fight for me. I went with the flow. I was alive but I was not living.

17 years after I had started sleepwalking through life I suddenly woke up. I wanted my freedom. I wanted to live. So I left. Once I left I sank myself financially. I had two little ones who needed daycare and my salary had not suddenly increased. The fear, the worry, the stress... it all took its toll.

I went from being a prolific writer who previously saw positivity in the dark to being unable to articulate myself and seeing life as pointless while my new found sunshine and light blinded my eyes. I wasn't able to write.

I slept with my muse. I kissed it daily. I held it and caressed it. Everyday I pledged my love to it but my muse failed me. As I desperately clung to it trying to get back my inspiration I found myself farther and farther away from who I once was and the work I was once able to create. I was abandoned by my heavenly muse. Everyday we made love and everyday I was left alone. It was slowly killing the spirit within me.

One day I realized that my heavenly muse could only do so much. There were only so many ways to save the drowning. I had to save myself ...again. So I have found my voice again and found me. I have discovered that I'm ready to write again. I have been kissed by my muse and I am inspired.

So.... to put it another way .... I'm baaaaaaaaack!